居住愛沙尼亞9年多，獨居4年，交友、個人成長還有養小孩的英中感想文。

寫於2024.3.5

哈囉! 大家好久不見。

斷捨離社交媒體好一段時間(過年到現在)，想說是時候開放心胸，來寫點文章分享個人經驗了。

前兩天在英國念心理學碩士班的朋友找我訪談寫異國文化教育的心得，我花了一小時，做出以下居住愛沙尼亞9年多，獨居4年，交友、個人成長還有養小孩的英中感想文。供大家參考囉!

1.What do you think are the characteristics of a typical first-time parent?

1.您認為初為父母的典型特徵是什麼？

A: Happy because there is a new life and new member in the family; at the same time nervous and worried because neither of them has experience in taking care of children and they don’t know whether they can take good care of the child healthily and safely. Everything will become a matter of prioritizing the children. Taking care of the children often involves day and night, and lacks sleep.

I began to have empathy for parents with children, such as my own parents, and finally understand their feelings, and began to appreciate their hard work.

開心，因為家裡多一個新生命、新成員；同時緊張、擔心，因為兩人都沒有照顧小孩的經驗，不知道能不能把小孩健康平安照顧好。一切會變成以小孩為優先，為照顧小孩常日夜顛倒，睡眠不足。

對有小孩的父母，像是自己的爸媽會開始有同理心，終能理解他們的感受，也開始感謝他們的辛勞。

2.Do

you think you are a typical first-time parent?

2.你認為你是個典型的初為父母的人嗎？

A: I am, I have these characteristics.

我是，這些特徵我都有。

3. How has your mentality changed after becoming a parent?

3.成為父母後，你的心態有了什麼樣的變化？

A: No longer living just for yourself, you will also add the opinions of your children, learn and grow together, and welcome every moment of life.

不再只為自己而活，同時會加入小孩的意見，一起學習成長，迎接生命的每一刻。

4. Different countries may have different cultures. How does this affect your role as a parent?

4. 不同的國家可能有不同的文化。這對您身為父母的角色有何影響？

A: Estonian parents respect their children's opinions and let them do what they like without interfering too much. Although a small number of nursery school teachers will still punish children who have derailed their behavior and ask them to sit in a corner and Self-reflection, so that children dare not disobey the opinions of the authoritative teacher, but in terms of the overall environment, Europe still has relatively little pressure from homework and exam competition. A nurturing environment conducive to children's easy growth.

The communication channel between teachers and parents here is also very technological. Once you log in to the online system, you can see all the recent activity notifications of the school, as well as the children's homework, etc. Very convenient and instant.

For children who finish class very early, the government also provides activities for preschoolers and teenagers aged 7-19. They can go to these exclusive institutions every afternoon on weekdays and participate in various activities. In addition, Estonia has good public safety, so I feel comfortable letting my daughter take the bus to and from school by herself ( she is 7 yrs) and participate in activities to make new friends.

愛沙尼亞的父母比較尊重小孩的意見，會讓他們隨意去做自己喜歡的事，不會干涉太多。儘管少部分托兒所老師還是會處罰行為脫軌的小孩，叫他們去角落坐著反省，讓小孩不敢不聽具有威嚴的老師的意見，可是整體大環境來說，歐洲還是比較沒有作業跟考試競爭壓力，是能讓小孩輕鬆成長的環境。

這邊的學校溝通管道也非常科技化，只要登入線上系統，就能看到學校近期的所有活動通知，以及小孩的作業等。非常方便與即時。

對於很早就下課的小孩來說，政府也提供學齡前及7-19歲間的青少年活動去處，可以在平日每天下午去這些專屬機構，參與各項活動。加上愛沙尼亞治安不錯，我很放心讓女兒自己坐公車上下學跟參與活動去交新朋友。

5.Different growing environments may produce different family concepts. When you become a parent for the first time, what impact will your partner's expectations have on your self-identity?

5.不同的成長環境可能產生不同的家庭觀念。當你第一次成為父母時，你的伴侶的期望會對你的自我認同產生什麼影響？

A: My ex-husband basically respects my ideas. After I gave birth to my child, I breastfed at home for half a year until I got a new job. Although he doesn't like that I sometimes work on cruise ships for two weeks before returning home, he is still willing to work with his parents to prepare formula milk for our child and prepare supplementary food for our child. This allowed me to maintain my independence and autonomy.

前夫基本上尊重我的想法。當時生完小孩後，我在家親餵母奶半年，到有新工作去上班為止。他雖然不喜歡我有時候在遊輪上工作兩周才回家，仍願意跟他爸媽一起幫忙泡奶粉給小孩喝跟準備副食品給小孩吃。讓我保有自己的獨立自主空間。

6. What impact does becoming a parent have on national identity?

6. 成為父母對國家認同有什麼影響？

A: I am lucky that my mother is still in Taiwan, and with the flexibility of Estonia's public daycare system allowing leaves at any time, along with my job income enabling me to afford plane tickets to Taiwan. So for the first six years, except during the Covid period, every winter I took my daughter to Taiwan for about two months to let her experience life in a Chinese-speaking environment. Although I don't follow the news much, I am accustomed to watching or listening to various opinions from Taiwanese business or literary figures that I like, which may help strengthen national identity. Moreover, Taiwan is a very democratic and free country. Seeing it become the first country in Asia to recognize same-sex marriage and allow adoption, along with having a democratically elected female president who governs Taiwan's overall development well, and in the past two years, the government even distributed a cash relief of 6000 NT dollars to all citizens, as a Taiwanese, I am extremely proud.

很幸運我的母親還在台灣，加上愛沙尼亞的公立托兒所可以請假任意時間，以及我有工作收入可以買機票來回台灣，所以前六年除了Covid 期間，每年冬天我都會帶女兒回台灣住兩個月左右，讓她能在中文環境中體驗生活。雖然我不太看新聞，可是我很習慣看或聽一些我喜歡的台灣商業或文學界名人發表的各式看法，這對加強國家認同或許有幫助。而且台灣是很自由民主的國家，看到它成為亞洲第一個承認同婚而且可以領養小孩的國家，同時有民選的女總統把台灣治理的整體發展很好，前兩年且還有政府發放的全民現金6000元，我身為台灣人，非常引以為榮。

7. After becoming a parent, how do you build your own social circle as a parent in a different culture?

7. 成為父母後，身為異文化中的父母，您如何建立自己的社交圈？

A: When I first arrived in Estonia, life in the countryside made it difficult to find work and socialize. I felt incredibly lonely and even contemplated divorcing and returning to Taiwan. However, after giving birth to my child and finding a job on a cruise ship, where I interacted with people from all over the world daily, I regained a connection to the world. Despite balancing work and childcare, I didn't face many social challenges at that time.

During the Covid period, I moved out and lived separately, eventually losing my job. Suddenly, I had to face long periods of solitude, which was quite challenging at first. However, I gradually began to find enthusiasm for life and solutions to past struggles. Over the course of two years, I visited 22 countries, embarked on three different pilgrimage routes, took numerous online courses on relationships, confidence, and personal development. I started practicing gratitude, wrote confidence journals, organized book clubs, went on over 50 dates, and began a new job teaching Chinese online.

I'm grateful for the power of the internet, which allows me to communicate with the world from home. Through teaching Chinese online, I've connected with students from over 40 countries, collaborated with other Chinese teachers, organized online book clubs, gratitude practices, and enriching meditations with fellow internet users. As a result, I don't struggle much with spiritual loneliness.

In addition to online communication, having lived in Estonia for over nine years, I have several Taiwanese friends in the local community. With one or two of them, we meet up around two to three times a month. We participate together in local handicraft activities organized by the library or other weekend events. Every week, I also attend local dance classes with my child twice, or I spend time at home reading to keep up with the book club's reading schedule and prepare teaching materials for Chinese lessons. Overall, my life is very fulfilling.

剛來愛沙尼亞時，因為我們住在鄉下的關係，找工作、社交都不易，那時最孤單、最想離婚回台灣。生完小孩後，剛好我在遊輪上工作，每天跟來自世界各地的人接觸，又找回跟世界連結的管道，工作跟顧小孩外，沒太多社交時間，也沒有這方面的問題。

Covid 期間我離婚搬出來自己住，接著失去工作，突然之間要長期跟自己獨處，落差很大，起初也不太能適應。不過，我慢慢從各方面開始找尋生活的熱情跟解決過去困境的方法，我在兩年內去了20幾個國家，走了三次不同路線的朝聖之路，上很多不同的線上課程，關於兩性、自信、個人潛能，開始感恩練習、寫自信日記、辦讀書會，約會超過50人，線上教中文的新工作....。

感謝網路的力量，讓我能在家跟超過40個國家的學生、其他中文老師、共同組線上讀書會、感恩練習、豐盛冥想的網友們溝通，所以我不太有心靈上孤獨的問題。

除了線上交流，我在愛沙尼亞住超過九年，也有幾個當地的台灣朋友，有一兩位我們每月會見面大概兩三次，一起參加當地圖書館每周一舉辦的手工藝活動、電影活動或其他周末活動，每周二四我也跟小孩一起上當地的house舞蹈課兩次，有空時會自己在家看書，趕讀書會的閱讀進度、做中文教學教材等，生活算是非常充實。

8.As

you expand your social circle and face more people from different cultures and their social expectations of parental roles, does it also impact your self-identity?

8.隨著你的社交圈不斷擴大，面對更多來自不同文化的人以及他們對父母角色的社會期望，這是否也會影響你的自我認同？

A: The things that have had a significant impact on me are the books I've read, the media personalities I follow, and the perspectives shared by some of the online course instructors I've had. Works such as Kevin Kelly's book "Excellent Advice for Living," along with others like "The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself," "The Artist’s Way," "The Magic," "The Charisma Myth," have continuously encouraged me to maintain an open mind, observe the beauty in life and within myself, and focus on living a life that fulfills my dreams, choosing happiness, and so on.

I believe that the size of my world depends on the breadth of my perspective. Therefore, I engage in diverse learning experiences, exposing myself to various viewpoints and life choices. Life can truly become exciting when we learn from different people. Perhaps one day, I too can become an influential mentor in someone's life, just like those who have inspired me.

對我影響比較大的是我看的書、追蹤的媒體名人或我上過的一些線上課老師分享的觀點。像是瓦基的podcast，Kevin Kelly 的書< 寶貴的人生建議>、其他書如: <覺醒的你> < 創作是心靈療癒的旅程> <魔法>< 魅力學><小狗錢錢>….，這些都不斷鼓勵我保持開放的心胸，多去觀察生活跟自己美好的部分，專注在達成自己夢想的生活，選擇快樂等。

我相信: 我的世界有多大，取決於我的眼界有多大。所以多方學習，給自己更多不同的觀點跟人生選擇，生活真的可以變得非常精采，跟對人學習，或許有朝一日，我也可以跟他們一樣成為很厲害的人生導師。

圖片說明: 今天下午在圖書館做的手工卡片